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getting so down on myself. Every other day I hate everything I create and wonder what what it is I have to do to get where I want to be in life. Why can’t I just draw all day like when I was a kid? Nothing mattered and I was just s happy. Now I have to waste my life away at a job I hate to keep myself fed and alive. I hardly have time to do what makes living worth while. Even when I do have time I feel uninspired and stressed. I just want to make things I enjoy, and if other people enjoy them that’s wonderful. Everything revolves around money. Money to buy things to create with. Money for food. Money for rent. Money for cigarettes. Money for tampons. Money for painkillers. Money for water. Money money money money. I hate money. I hate it. I hate working. I just want to create and be inspired and enjoy the beauty left in this world. I don’t want to be wasting 80 hours of my life just for a god damn paycheck to keep me alive. I don’t want to be another one of the miserable majority working their lives away just so they can retire and rot for 30 years. I don’t want to retire, I just want to fucking paint all day for the rest of my life till they put me in the ground to rot. I don’t want to rot while I’m still alive.
I’m sorry to anyone who actually read this. I’m just venting. I’ve been so stressed about this move. It’s driving me crazy.
I hope I feel better with a change of scenery.